I wonder sometimes if there is something I need to learn about my choices in the people I have around me. Or is it just really bad luck that both my Master's and PhD advisors turned out to be the wrong person for me? And right at the most crucial point, in both cases, is when I realized it- and that is too late. The funny part is, they are complete opposite personalities. A main reason I picked #2 after my experience with #1.
SO.
Now I go to others to get help- wonderful people with busy schedules. People who care about me, but also have their own students, lives and work.
My life sometimes reminds me of the Dead lyric "when life looks like easy street, there is danger at your door" So, I got my dream job- a post doc in Montana, working for a great guy, in a nice lab, that is well organized, productive and doing cool work. This is after going to a meeting and giving a good talk, getting an award for up-and-coming young scientist, and also getting tapped to go to an NSF meeting in DC to represent my fellowship program.
I get back, and everything seems like it is going well. I have a committee meeting, there is a lot of work to do to finish by the end of the summer, but we all agree it is possible, that we just have a lot of work to do in the next few months. I set a schedule, and then let my family know that I will indeed be walking in graduation ceremony and we have great time and I am on top of the world.
I meet my deadline for the first rough draft, and send files of the data we need to look at. No word. Then I cajole and beg, and we finally all get together as a lab and have lunch. The bomb drops. Chaos ensues. Since June advisor literally drops off the face of the planet.
So, I keep telling myself that I move on, and pick myself up by the bootstraps, I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, etc. etc. etc. But some days it's really hard. Today is one of those. Because things are looking up- I've got a great committee that is stepping up, I got a fellowship from the grad college to help pay the bills so i don't have to work, I found a quiet study carrel in the library to work. And that has me worried.
Am I so jaded that I can't relax anymore? I think maybe I am just so angry that I am toxic to myself. I think I should take up kickboxing. Scream therapy?
The size of the bars to the left indicates the amount of GDP that is produced by each category. So, sectors of the economy that are "making bucks." The ecologists viewpoint is the classic food pyramid, at the bottom are all the things we need to support the rest: we depend on agriculture for our food, extraction of natural resources for our energy and raw materials, and forests for the wood to build all those houses. It is amazing to me that the connection is not made that if you have no more forests, you build no more conventional houses. We've all seen what a bursting bubble in the housing market has done to our economy. What if global warming so alters our climate that we don't have enough at the bottom of the pyramid to sustain our current standard of living? Does anyone else see the problem with the pyramid? Maybe a little unstable?
Well, travels with Victor and Rob. We go out for Sunday drives quite often. This last trip was a bit of a change because where we were going to go was full of campers and rednecks. We wondered if it had been discovered when we found the turnoff marked with a fencepost and red flagging. And then driving down the road, realizing it was much more well-traveled than we had remembered, we feared that our secret spot had been found out. The road dead ends at a wash that is a great hike. Up to some cool pictographs and nice vegetation. The wild flowers are just starting to bloom. So, plan B was to turn around and look for some place new. Further up the road, we discovered a gate that was unlocked and led to state land. So, off we go. Definitely an area for cattle grazing. The road follows a straight line, along a fence. Then it splits into several forks, and we take the left one. It turns backs and follows a wash. Then crosses the wash, and ends up at this strange site with a large tank and recently repaired windmill. Great photo op! I posted the photos on facebook. Anyway, Rob and I are taking photos at this site, wondering why there would be an actual faucet on a cattle tank. Then I remember where we are. 60 miles from the Mexican border. "This is a trap site," I say to Rob. I've read that the BP puts out places where illegal border-crossers can get water, set up motion detectors, and *BAM*, catch them. Not 15 minutes after I make this revelation, I hear a strange hum. Then a throbbing sound. Next thing I know, there is a military 'copter swooping down on us, buzzing us. Not exaggerating here. They are getting close to landing when they must realize we are just locals taking pictures. Surely they got our license plate, and photos of us. Another page added to my FBI file. Life on the border gets weird sometimes.
